Day 3: The Road to Baby Part 1 {Fertility Struggles}
| October 3, 2012 | Posted by Jessie under 31 Days to an Imperfect Family and Home, Fertility |
Hi everyone! Well, so far, so good sticking to my 31 Days series. My goal is to post 5 days a week which is more than I typically do so keep me to it! Just a reminder, this month you’ll get to know more behind the scenes info from the Imperfectly Polished house, along with baby inspirations and projects, and a few DIY projects around the house.
Ok, so here we go. Monday we announced that we are expecting our first child. Excited, happy, joyful, thrilled, are all words that describe how we’ve been feeling lately:) Especially this week as we shared the news with everyone. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been an easy road to this point. Fertility issues aren’t something that every couple chooses to share and I respect everyone’s personal choice on that, but for us, we felt that our journey was meant to be shared with others to help anyone we possibly can get through this tough struggle. Maybe that was the whole reason this blog was started in the first place-to give me someplace to share this story today. Sometimes you just need to hear someone else talk about the same things you are going through to spread some hope that you will make it. I’d love to turn our negative experience into something positive so this month I will write about our road to baby over the course of the next few weeks in hopes that someone out there will get something out of it. It’s a long story, so buckle up:)
Let’s start with the beginning today. We started trying to get pregnant in January 2011. We had been married about a year and a half and had sort of set an ideal goal to get pregnant around 2 years into our marriage. For some reason, I had always had a nagging feeling that we may not be able to get pregnant right away. I don’t know if it was because I have seen so many people have issues and realized how common it was, or if it was more because I could imagine how horrible that would be and realllly didn’t want that to be us, or what the reason was, but I was sort of settling in for a possible battle. Not fearful or anxious, just ready to get started. I had gone off of my birth control the October before so according to everything you read and hear, that should have helped us get pregnant sooner rather than later. I know that it typically takes a few months to get pregnant for most couples. Even knowing that, it was still hard for me when we weren’t. I was disappointed from month 1. Not crying in bed disappointed, just bummed that it didn’t work. I definitely wasn’t depressed or fearful or negative, just a little let down. So, if you have been trying only 1 month or 4 months and people tell you, “Oh, it’s only been ___. Don’t worry, it will happen.” And you still feel sad, it’s ok. You are allowed to feel however you feel!
Over the next couple of months, I was continuing to feel the same way and wondering what we should do next. I was ready to try something new. We bought a thermometer and went through lots of ovulation kits over the next few months with disappointing results. I actually never saw a positive on the ovulation kits {and we did the 20 day kit so I’m sure I didn’t miss-time anything}. By the way, if you are trying to get pregnant and have ever done ovulation kits and not seen a positive test, it’s totally like being told everyday that you aren’t pregnant and you aren’t going to be pregnant. Not really the optimistic boost of confidence we were looking for, but we kept trying them hoping that one day it would magically be positive. I pulled up an ovulation calendar you can find online {there are plenty of apps out there too} to show what it would look like. It is actually pretty promising to see-all those O’s mean you could possibly get pregnant during that time.
But then you try for awhile and look at this calendar and it becomes completely depressing. You start to think, “I had all those chances to get pregnant and nothing happened!” {even though you really only have like 36 hours a month to get pregnant, but that’s beside the point}. It’s funny how at the beginning of each month the glass starts out half full and by the end of the month it’s half-empty. Fertility struggles are a constant roller coaster. At least for me they were. I would get so positive at the beginning of the month thinking that this was a new month, a new chance for something to work and get excited to try again. Then by the end of the month, after months of going through this, when I would get my period or have a negative pregnancy test, I would be devastated. I made a deal {with Mike and myself} to give myself one day to be sad. Cry, whatever I needed to do that day, and then I had to move on the next day. Start a new project, do a fun activity with Mike, go out for a beer, be outdoors and see something beautiful, take a trip, , snap a million pics of Pudge and enjoy our cute dog-child, something to get my mind off of it and move forward.
It would be so easy to dwell on what didn’t work, that you still aren’t pregnant and months are just moving by, but you can’t do that. Find something to cheer yourself up and do it. However often you need to.
By the 9-month point {which I never thought we would be at without a pregnancy already}, it was time for my annual and I was bound and determined to get some answers. I was not leaving the office until the doctor offered something up for me. Mike and I had gone over everything and I was ready to sit and stand my ground in his office. Luckily for me, the doctor recommended moving forward with testing after I told him what we had been trying. So I worked myself up for a battle for nothing. Apparently doctors do know what they are doing;)
I’ll be back with Part 2 next week where we start our long list of tests. In the meantime, if you or anyone you know is dealing with fertility struggles and just need an ear {or an email!}, I’m definitely here. I know I wouldn’t have made it through without a friend who had already been through this to help me:)
I’m very excited that this story has a happy ending…Can’t wait to read part two.
Me too, Whitney:) Thanks!
Jessie you are an inspiration of strength! I am so glad you are opening up and writing about this, I know it will help other women who are struggling!
Thanks for being so supportive, Care!
So happy for you. We struggled with other aspects of having babies. It wasn’t difficult to get pregnant but experienced several losses, one full term. I have always identified with people who have gone through fertility struggles. We all hold a common goal. I’m proud to say I am the mother of four healthy children now. I hope for you that your pregnancy is long and wonderful and that you and your baby are as healthy as can be. Many good wishes.
I can’t imagine what you went through. Everyone’s story is so different and I am so happy for you that you were able to have 4 healthy babies! That’s amazing. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for such a beautiful post…my sister has also struggled w/ infertility. Such beautiful pictures Jessie…thank you for sharing …
… Can’t wait to read the rest of your story!
Thanks, Julie:) Best of luck to your sister!
My husband and I have been trying for several months now and I feel like you described – very disappointed even though I know in the scheme of things we haven’t tried THAT long, but also like you said, when you see the days you ovulate it gets your hopes up and then seems like something must be wrong when you aren’t pregnant. I needed this post today! Thank you for sharing your story. I look forward to reading your next post!
I’m glad it was helpful. It’s much harder than a lot of people realize. Hang in there!
I can’t tell you enough what a blessing this blog post means to me. First, congratulations!!! Your words were exactly what I needed to hear and I can completely sympathize with you and relate to what you are saying. We are still being optimistic and trying, but I needed that reminder to stay positive (after letting yourself have one sad day).
Aw, I’m so glad it is helpful, Jamie. Try and stay positive! Something great will come your way:)
Jessie,
Congratulations on making it through! I’m truly happy for you.
We also had(have) fertility issues and tried for 5 years (6 losses – one at 20 weeks), but we eventually gave up and vowed to move on with our lives. It was just too hard to keep trying and failing. The tests, the surgeries, the disappointments just seemed endless. It’s been two years since the last loss and I still think about it every day though. It’s a very hard thing to give up on.
I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m not jealous of other people’s pregnancies – though I do still have trouble listening to the details (and especially the complaints!)
I’m so glad you’re sharing this as infertility is more widespread than people think and it shouldn’t be shameful to talk about.
Good Luck!
Barb
Hi Barb!
I can’t imagine going through what you have. I’m so sorry for your losses. It sounds like you have a positive attitude and I wish you the best. Sending lots of prayers your way! And thank you for sharing your story! I know every experience will help someone else.
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